How do I deal with social anxiety at work?

Social anxiety at work can look like dreading meetings, avoiding speaking up even when you have ideas, replaying small interactions for hours, or feeling panicked about presentations or performance reviews. This is a recognized mental health condition, not a weakness or lack of professionalism, and research supports treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure-based strategies, and insight-oriented therapy for reducing symptoms. A helpful first step is to identify your main triggers and the fears underneath them, such as worries about sounding “stupid,” being judged, or making mistakes. From there, progress usually comes from combining small, planned actions with deeper reflection. Practically, this might mean preparing a few sentences before meetings, using grounding skills like slower breathing or feeling your feet on the floor, and gradually practicing slightly more challenging social tasks instead of avoiding them. In therapy, I help clients use CBT to work with anxious thoughts, exposure techniques to face feared situations in a manageable way, and psychodynamic and self-compassion based approaches to understand where these patterns began so that work can feel more grounded, sustainable, and aligned with who you are.

What is the best medication to treat social anxiety?

There is no single “best” medication for social anxiety, and any decision about medication needs to be made with a licensed medical provider who can review your full history. I do not prescribe medication, but I can help you decide whether a medication consult might be appropriate, clarify your questions and concerns, and track how your symptoms, sleep, and daily functioning change over time. As a general guideline, it is reasonable to consider talking with a prescriber when anxiety is regularly disrupting your work or school, relationships, or ability to do everyday tasks, even after trying therapy and other supports. If you are curious about medication options, the next step is usually to meet with a psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, or primary care physician and share specific examples of how social anxiety is affecting your life. In therapy, we can prepare for that appointment together by outlining your symptoms, what you have already tried, and what you hope might improve so you feel more confident advocating for yourself. The information here is for general educational purposes and is not medical advice, but my role in your care can include collaborating with your prescriber and helping you monitor whether any treatment changes feel helpful, manageable, and aligned with your goals.

Does Everyone Get Social Anxiety? Understanding the Spectrum of Social Fears

Dec 9

Written By Sage Grazer

woman holding face in her hands, visibly suffering from social anxiety and judgment

Most people have experienced a moment of social discomfort—maybe a skipped heartbeat before speaking in front of a group or an awkward silence at a party. But does that mean everyone has social anxiety?

Social anxiety exists on a spectrum. While occasional nervousness in social situations is common, social anxiety disorder (SAD) is something more persistent, distressing, and disruptive. In this post, we’ll explore what social anxiety is, how it develops, and what you can do to cope with it. We’ll also cover specific challenges like social anxiety and dating, and how to make friends as an adult with social anxiety.

What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is a form of anxiety that centers around the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social or performance situations. It goes beyond shyness or introversion. People with social anxiety often feel an intense fear that others are watching and negatively evaluating them, even in everyday situations.

Common signs and symptoms include:

Avoiding social interactions, especially with unfamiliar people
Fear of being perceived as awkward, boring, or unlikeable
Overthinking or replaying conversations long after they’re over
Physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, or rapid heartbeat in social settings

Experiencing occasional nervousness or overthinking in social situations, especially ones that feel high-stakes, is completely normal. But when the fear of judgment or rejection becomes persistent, overwhelming, and starts negatively impacting your life, it may be a sign of social anxiety.

Why does this matter? Because as humans, we’re wired for connection. We have an innate need to bond with others, to feel seen, understood, and supported. Social anxiety can become deeply limiting, not just because it’s distressing, but because it can hold us back from forming the kinds of relationships that support our mental and physical wellbeing.

Research consistently shows that meaningful relationships are one of the strongest protective factors for mental health. Social connection is linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety, improved immune functioning, and even increased longevity (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). When social anxiety leads to avoidance or isolation, it can deprive us of these essential sources of support, joy, and resilience.

How Common is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common mental health conditions, affecting about 12% of U.S. adults at some point in their lives (NIMH). Many people silently struggle with social anxiety, even those who seem outgoing or confident on the outside. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, social anxiety disorder affects approximately 15 million American adults and typically begins during the teenage years (ADAA). Because it often starts early and is misunderstood as mere shyness, social anxiety can go unrecognized for years.

Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common mental health conditions. Research suggests that about 12% of U.S. adults will experience it at some point in their lives (NIMH), and roughly 15 million American adults are living with social anxiety in any given year, with symptoms often beginning in the teenage years (ADAA). Because it frequently starts early and is misunderstood as “shyness” or being “bad with people,” many people silently struggle for years without seeking help.

Social anxiety often leads to avoidance, which can quietly limit careers, relationships, and overall quality of life. The good news is that it is highly treatable. Evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure-based strategies, and insight-oriented therapy can help people gradually reduce fear, build confidence, and feel more at ease in social situations.

Does Everyone Get Social Anxiety?

Not everyone experiences social anxiety in the clinical sense. While nearly everyone has moments of self-consciousness or social nerves, social anxiety disorder involves persistent fears that significantly interfere with daily life.

For example:

Turning down job opportunities due to fear of interviews
Avoiding dating or friendships out of fear of judgment or rejection
Experiencing distress even in low-stakes interactions like ordering food

If you're wondering how to know if I have social anxiety, a good rule of thumb is to notice whether your social fears cause ongoing distress or prevent you from living the life you want. If they do, support is available and you don’t have to navigate it alone. You can use this Social Anxiety Self-Test PDF to see what symptoms might apply to you.

How Does Social Anxiety Develop?

Social anxiety can develop from a combination of factors. These may include:

Genetics: A family history of anxiety can increase vulnerability
Temperament: Being naturally sensitive or cautious as a child
Early Experiences: Childhood bullying, criticism, or overly controlling environments
Learned Behavior: Watching others model avoidance or fear in social situations

While it can feel discouraging to struggle with social fears, it's important to remember that these patterns are often adaptive responses to past experiences. With support and intentional practice, they can be reshaped.

How Does Social Anxiety Affect Dating?

Dating can feel particularly overwhelming for people with social anxiety. The vulnerability, unpredictability, and potential for rejection often stir up fears of being “too much,” “not enough,” or judged for every word or silence.

If you live with social anxiety, dating might involve:

Avoiding dates altogether, even if you crave connection
Overthinking how you come across before, during, and after a date
Worrying you’ll say something awkward or run out of things to say
Replaying every interaction in your mind for hours or days

Even if you make it out to the date, all of this internal dialog and distress can make it hard for you to be present, enjoy the date, and actually show up as your authentic self. Social anxiety and dating is a common struggle, and there are ways to move through it with more confidence.

Try some of these tips:

Choosing low-pressure first date activities like coffee or a walk
Preparing conversation starters or setting realistic expectations
Practicing self-soothing strategies before and after dates
Focusing on curiosity and connection rather than “performance”

Therapy can also help you address the root fears that keep you from dating freely and support you in taking empowered steps toward connection.

How to Make Friends as an Adult With Social Anxiety

Making friends as an adult can already feel tricky, and with social anxiety, it can seem downright impossible. You may wonder how others make it look so easy while you’re struggling with fear of judgment, rejection, or “saying the wrong thing.”

Building new friendships is still possible, even when social anxiety is part of the equation. If you’re wondering how to make friends with social anxiety, here are a few gentle starting points:

Find shared-interest spaces: Classes, book clubs, or volunteer opportunities provide built-in conversation topics and reduce pressure.
Start small: A friendly comment to a coworker, joining a group chat, or inviting someone for coffee can open doors over time.
Let go of perfection: You don’t have to be witty, articulate, or always “on.” Authenticity builds trust more than polished small talk.
Challenge self-criticism: Social anxiety often fuels negative self-talk. Try replacing “I’m so awkward” with “It’s okay to feel nervous, I’m still showing up.”
Build emotional resilience: Not every attempt will lead to a lasting friendship, and that’s okay. Each experience is part of growing your confidence.

group of young adults sitting together — Connection is a human need.

Even with social anxiety, making meaningful friendships is possible. You don’t have to have all the answers, just a willingness to take small, meaningful steps toward connection.

How to Deal With Social Anxiety

Dealing with social anxiety doesn’t mean “getting over it” overnight. Instead, it involves learning how to understand your patterns, build coping strategies, and gently expand your comfort zone.

Some helpful strategies include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a well-researched, effective treatment that helps you identify and challenge anxious thoughts and behaviors (Mayo Clinic).
Exposure Therapy: Gradual exposure to feared social situations can reduce avoidance and build confidence over time. Using coping skills to aid in exposure during anxiety-provoking situations can help lead to corrective experiences.
Self-compassion practices: Being kind to yourself in moments of anxiety helps counter shame and perfectionism.
Working with a therapist: A trained therapist can help you develop tools tailored to your experiences and goals and guide you in implementing the strategies above.

If you're wondering how to overcome my social anxiety, know that it’s not about erasing fear, it’s about learning to move forward even when fear is present.

FAQs About Social Anxiety

Can extroverts have social anxiety?

Yes. Social anxiety is not limited to introverts. Extroverts may genuinely enjoy people, seek out connection, and appear outgoing, while still experiencing intense fear of judgment or embarrassment. An extroverted person with social anxiety might say yes to plans, then feel dread leading up to the event, worry about saying the “wrong” thing, or replay conversations afterward and feel ashamed or self-critical.

Personality type does not determine whether someone can develop social anxiety. What matters more is how safe or unsafe your nervous system feels in social situations. Factors like past experiences of criticism, bullying, exclusion, or high expectations can shape how you show up socially, regardless of whether you identify as introverted or extroverted.

Is social anxiety genetic?

There is evidence that social anxiety can run in families. While there is no single “social anxiety gene,” research suggests that genetics can influence traits such as sensitivity, temperament, and how strongly we react to stress. These traits can create a vulnerability that makes social anxiety more likely in some people.

At the same time, genetics are only one part of the picture. Environment and lived experience are equally important. Experiences like bullying, social rejection, high levels of criticism, or growing up in a family where mistakes were not tolerated can all contribute to social anxiety, even without a clear genetic link. Social anxiety often develops as a learned pattern of protection: avoiding situations that feel risky or overwhelming becomes a way to stay safe. Therapy can help you understand how these patterns formed and learn new ways of relating to yourself and others.

How do I know if I have social anxiety?

It is normal to feel nervous before a big presentation, a job interview, or meeting someone new. Social anxiety disorder is different. It involves a more persistent, intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in everyday social or performance situations. You might:

Avoid social events, speaking up in groups, dating, or work opportunities because of fear of how you will come across.
Worry for days or weeks beforehand about what you will say or how you will appear.
Replay conversations afterwards, focusing on perceived mistakes, and feel shame or self-criticism.
Notice that this fear is affecting your relationships, school, work, or ability to do things you care about.

Only a qualified mental health professional can make a diagnosis, but you do not have to know for sure before reaching out. If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, therapy can help you better understand what you are experiencing and develop specific tools to feel more grounded and confident with others.

If you are wondering, “Do I have social anxiety?” you can start by looking at this Social Anxiety Checklist PDF. It is not a diagnostic test, but it can help you reflect on your experiences and decide whether social anxiety might be affecting your life enough that it would be helpful to seek professional support.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Social anxiety is real, common, and treatable. Whether you’re navigating dating, trying to build friendships, or simply showing up more fully in your life, your fears don’t have to define you. With the right tools and support, change is achievable.

If you're looking for support in overcoming social anxiety, therapy can help you build confidence, reduce avoidance, and reclaim a sense of ease in your relationships and everyday life. You deserve to feel safe being yourself.

If you’d like guidance in getting started, you’re always welcome to reach out to me directly to schedule an initial consultation to see if I’m the right therapist to help you.

Article Updated 8/10/2025

About the Author: Sage Grazer, LCSW

I am a licensed psychotherapist providing online therapy to adults struggling with anxiety, burnout, trauma, loss, and relationship issues. I help clients develop the insight, skills, and resilience to cope with whatever life stresses come their way. I specialize in helping high-achieving young professionals overcome anxiety and burnout to feel more confident, empowered, and effective in their lives. If you’re a resident of California or Hawaii, schedule a free consultation to learn more.

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