Understanding Anxiety and How To Cope
Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience, and it can even serve a helpful purpose in the right circumstances, but unchecked anxiety becomes problematic when it gets in the way of enjoying your life and feeling balanced and fulfilled.
From an evolutionary perspective, anxiety is meant to help us stay alive and act as our built-in alarm system, keying us into what dangers or threats we may need to address. Even something like social anxiety makes sense in the context of survival because humans are a social species that evolved to live in groups, so the threat of getting ostracized from the group (way back when) could have been a matter of life and death.
What Causes Anxiety?
Throughout your life, your susceptibility to anxiety can fluctuate and different life stresses may make you more vulnerable to the negative cycle of anxious distress. Anxiety is exacerbated by uncertainty, so facing novelty, big life transitions, losses, or other major adjustments can be particularly triggering.
Anxiety is also contagious. Have you ever noticed yourself getting more irritable or on-edge when you’re around someone who’s expressing their heightened anxiety? For example, spending time around someone who’s nervously tapping their leg or pacing around the room may make you start feeling anxious too. As social beings, we often mirror the people around us. When someone is calm and relaxed, we’re more likely to feel calm and relaxed.
All external factors aside, anxiety is also an internal wiring issue. Some of us are born, or conditioned through our early experiences, primed to be more anxious. The good news is that this is absolutely workable! Processes like therapy can help you learn the skills to self-soothe and even rewire your nervous system.
Signs of Anxiety
While the symptoms of anxiety vary from person to person, there are some common signs of anxiety to look out for. As the body’s alarm system, anxiety signals to the body to go on alert. This means we become primed to spot danger, often more likely to interpret neutral as threatening or negative, and ready to react. Our stress response, also referred to as ‘fight or flight,’ becomes activated which triggers a cascade of both physical and mental reactions.
Physical symptoms of anxiety can include:
Sweating and changes in body temperature
Heavy and fast breathing
Increased heart rate
Dizziness or lightheadedness
Blushing, facial flushing, or redness
Dry mouth
Shaking or trembling
Hair and weight loss
Changes in appetite - loss of appetite or overeating
Fatigue, exhaustion, or chronic low energy
Stomach pain, nausea, and weakened immune system
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Headaches, muscle tension, or unexplained pains
Mental symptoms of anxiety can include:
Avoidance of situations that cause anxiety
Uncontrollable worrying
Catastrophizing (assuming worst case scenarios)
Irritability, restlessness, or feeling on edge
Indecisiveness
Feeling out of it, detached, or ‘brain fog’
Racing thoughts
Difficulties concentrating
Excessive overthinking or repeatedly analyzing situations
Panic attacks (both physical and psychological)
Paranoia
Feelings of dread or ‘impending doom’
Feeling trapped
Coping With Anxiety
Demystifying your anxiety, where it comes from, and what tends to trigger it is paramount to feeling more in control. Therapy can help you explore and understand your anxiety as well as learn the coping skills to overcome it. Here are some common techniques that you can use to cope with anxiety in the moment. Different techniques work better for different people, so try them out and see what resonates:
Acceptance – Rather than fight yourself, accept that you’re feeling anxious. From the wisdom of Carl Jung, what you resist persists. One trick you can try to help with this process is to practice “name it, to tame it” – this means putting a label to the feeling as opposed to letting the feeling define your experience. You may find that naming the feeling takes some of the power away from it.
Remember to breathe – When your anxiety is activated, you may take quick, shallow breaths, which sends a message to your brain that there is a threat present, which then reinforces the anxiety. Instead, try taking an intentional approach to your breath and implement a breathing technique. One quick technique you can try is to take a deep, full breath with an additionally long exhale, this sends a signal to your brain that your body is getting adequate oxygen.
Challenge your thoughts – Irrational or distorted patterns of thought are a hallmark of anxiety. Remind yourself that ‘Feelings aren’t facts’ – just because you feel that something is true, doesn’t make it so. For example, I may feel like my friend is mad at me because she didn’t respond to my text but the fact of the matter is that we don’t know why she didn’t respond, it may have nothing to do with me!
Slow your roll – You may find yourself jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst case scenarios (catastrophizing) when you’re anxious. These “what ifs” only perpetuate your anxiety. When you find yourself in these patterns of thought, try slowing down and asking yourself:
Is this statement accurate? - Is this a true and factual statement? (For example, does this person really hate you or do you just feel like that right now?)
Is this a balanced statement? - Does this statement take into account the probability of alternatives (good, bad, or neutral possibilities)?
What’s the worst that can happen? How likely is that? (Hint: Usually it’s pretty unlikely) And can I handle that?
When is it time to get professional help?
Whether you’re at the point that your anxiety is making it impossible for you to feel good or you’re just looking to enhance your resilience and improve your ability to cope with stress, therapy can help you. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or failure. It means that you want to make a change in your life and you’re willing to recruit outside to expedite it. Having a safe, non-judgmental space to express yourself is highly valuable for personal growth and reframing perspectives that might be holding you back.
I’ve worked with countless individuals to help them overcome the burden of anxiety and constant worrying, learn better ways to cope and communicate in order to get their needs met, and develop confidence and increased self-esteem.
If you’re interested in addressing your anxiety in therapy, reach out to set up a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I’m the right therapist to help you.
About the Author: Sage Grazer, LCSW
I am a licensed psychotherapist providing online therapy to young professionals struggling with anxiety, burnout, trauma, loss, and relationship issues. I work with adults to help them develop the insight, skills, and resilience to cope with whatever life stresses come their way. I specialize in helping high-achieving women overcome anxiety and burnout to feel more confident, empowered, and effective in their lives. If you’re a resident of California or Hawaii, schedule a free consultation to learn more.