Therapy for Quarter-Life Crisis: What to Expect When You're Lost in Your 20s
Another engagement announcement. Another promotion post. You scroll past, tell yourself you're happy for them, and sit with the question that won't leave you alone: Why does everyone else seem to know what they want, and why don't I?
If this sounds familiar, you're not having a bad week. You might be in the middle of what we call a quarter-life crisis.
The truth is, this experience is far more common than most people realize. A 2025 study across eight countries found that between 40% and 77% of young adults experience some form of it. But "common" doesn't make it feel less disorienting when you're the one lying awake at 2 a.m., wondering if you chose the wrong major, the wrong city, the wrong life.
This article is about what a quarter-life crisis actually is, how to tell if you're in one, and what therapy for this particular kind of stuck can look like. Not empty advice about "finding yourself." Practical insight into why your twenties feel harder than anyone told you they would, and what actually helps.
What Is a Quarter-Life Crisis?
A quarter-life crisis is a period of uncertainty, anxiety, and self-questioning that typically occurs between the ages of 25 and 35. Unlike the stereotypical midlife crisis, which centers on mortality and regret, the quarter-life crisis is about identity and direction: Who am I? What do I actually want? Why do I feel so stuck when I'm supposed to have my whole life ahead of me?
Research on emerging adulthood (the developmental stage spanning roughly ages 18 to 29) suggests that this period is marked by identity exploration, instability, and a sense of being "in-between." Psychologist Jeffrey Arnett, who coined the term "emerging adulthood", describes it as a time when young people are no longer adolescents but haven't yet fully assumed adult responsibilities.
This isn't a personal failure. It's a developmental transition that our culture rarely prepares us for.
Two Types of Quarter-Life Crisis: Locked-In vs. Locked-Out
Psychologist Oliver Robinson, whose research on developmental crises in early adulthood has shaped how clinicians understand this stage, identifies two distinct patterns: the "locked-in" crisis and the "locked-out" crisis. I see both in my practice, though the locked-out type shows up more often. Understanding which one resonates with you can clarify what kind of support you need.
The Locked-In Crisis
You've done everything "right." You followed the path: college, career, maybe a relationship that looks good on paper. But somewhere along the way, you realized the life you built doesn't actually fit who you are.
Robinson's research describes this as feeling trapped in commitments you worked hard to achieve. You're afraid to leave because you've invested so much time, money, and identity into your current path.
In my practice, this often looks like job burnout or relationship dissatisfaction. Clients are afraid to leave because they have the comfort of what looks like a "good" job on paper, or they've worked incredibly hard to get where they are in their career, but they're unhappy. They've done everything right (or so they thought) and they're still not fulfilled.
This might show up as:
Burnout in a job that once felt like a dream opportunity
Relationship dissatisfaction that you've been ignoring because "it's fine"
A creeping sense that you're living someone else's version of success
The challenge with the locked-in crisis is overcoming the personal investment bias, which is the tendency to keep investing in something simply because you've already put so much effort, time, and energy into it. Psychologists call this the sunk cost fallacy. A significant part of therapy for this type involves learning to honor the person you're becoming rather than staying loyal to the person you thought you should be.
The Locked-Out Crisis
You feel behind. You’re not where you thought you’d be by now in your career, your relationships, or your sense of self. While your peers seem to be hitting milestones, you're still figuring out what you even want.
In his book Development through Adulthood, Robinson calls this feeling "locked-out", which he describes as feeling unable to access the adult roles you desire.
These clients feel they aren't where they wish they were in their life, career, or relationships, usually measured against some imagined timeline of where they "should" be at their age.
The reality is that "behind" is a myth. There's no universal timeline for adulthood, despite what social media suggests. But that intellectual understanding doesn't make the feelings any less real when you're living them.
Comparing the Two Types
Most people lean toward one type, though you can experience elements of both. And at the heart of both is often the same underlying experience: I don't know what I want anymore. Coping with that uncertainty, while reckoning with the idea that life as you know it isn't working for you, is what makes this stage so disorienting.
What a Quarter-Life Crisis Actually Feels Like
Clients rarely walk into my office saying, "I think I'm having a quarter-life crisis." Instead, they typically describe feeling lost, stuck, or lacking direction. They often feel "behind" or not where they "should" be at their age. Because of my specializations, many come in describing symptoms of anxiety and fears of judgment. As we start to uncover what the anxiety is actually about, we often find deeper issues related to self-esteem and self-worth underneath.
Here's what I often hear:
Emotional signs:
Feeling lost, stuck, or directionless
A persistent sense of being "behind" compared to peers
Fear of making the "wrong" choice, so avoiding decisions altogether
Shame about not being happier with what you have
Anxiety about the future that feels vague but constant
Physical signs:
Panic attacks or anxious distress
Racing thoughts or difficulty focusing
Trouble sleeping
Nervousness or feeling on-edge
A baseline of tension that you've started to accept as normal
Behavioral signs:
Withdrawing from friends or avoiding social situations
Numbing with alcohol, social media, or overwork
Procrastinating on big decisions
Catastrophizing about the future
Comparing yourself to others, then feeling worse
Sometimes these clients also present with burnout or depressive symptoms: less enjoyment in previously enjoyed activities, hopelessness, cynicism, fatigue, or feeling like a failure.
If several of these resonate, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you're human, facing a transition that deserves support, not dismissal.
Seeing others’ happy moments on social media can quietly fuel comparison and timeline anxiety, creating the sense that everyone else is further ahead, even when the full story is incomplete.
Why Quarter-Life Crises Are More Common Now
When clients come to me struggling with a quarter-life crisis, I want to validate their experience without pathologizing them. This isn't a personal failure that appeared out of nowhere. There are real systemic and cultural factors making this stage harder than it was for previous generations:
Social media and comparison culture. You're constantly exposed to curated highlight reels of your peers' lives. Even when you know it's not the full picture, it seeps in.
Hustle culture and burnout. The message that you should always be optimizing, achieving, and grinding can make rest feel like failure.
Economic pressure. Housing costs, student debt, and job market instability make traditional milestones feel increasingly out of reach. Pew Research found that financial concerns are now the top reason young adults live in multigenerational homes, a significant shift from previous decades.
Delayed life milestones. Marriage, homeownership, and having children are happening later, or not at all. The median age of first marriage has risen to 30 for men and 28 for women, compared to 23 and 21 in 1970.
Identity diffusion. When so much of your identity is tied to work or achievement, losing that anchor, or questioning it, can feel like losing yourself. "I don't know who I am outside of work" is something I hear often.
This reframe isn't about blaming outside factors, we still believe in personal responsibility. But it can help increase self-compassion when you consider the reality of the situation you're navigating.
Why Therapy Helps (And What Actually Happens in Session)
Therapy for a quarter-life crisis isn't about someone telling you what to do. It's about creating space to think clearly, something that's almost impossible when you're caught in the daily noise of comparison, fear, and "shoulds."
Therapy is a place to get to know yourself without the fear of judgment or upsetting someone. It's a space where you get to be honest and be your most raw version of yourself, which is really the only way you'll be able to know what you truly want.
Untangling What You Actually Want
One of the first things I do with clients in this stage is guide them through an exploration of the different areas of their life. I assess their perceptions and sense of satisfaction across eight domains:
Health – physical health, diet, exercise, sleep
Mental wellness – stress management, self-talk, coping
Fun – hobbies, recreational activities, enjoyment
Money – feelings about finances, security, stability
Career – direction, dreams, roadblocks
Family – current relationships and how you carry your family history
Friendships – social life, feelings around connection
Love – romantic relationships, satisfaction, goals
When we go through these systematically, patterns emerge. You start to see where you're genuinely satisfied versus where you're settling, avoiding, or unfulfilled. You notice themes, unmet aspirations, or areas of confusion you hadn't fully acknowledged.
Separating External Expectations from Internal Values
Countless people struggle with comparison. It takes conscious effort to step back and identify when you're in a comparison loop. The reality is that we're all bombarded with ideas of what the "perfect" or ideal life looks like, including notions we internalized from our own youth.
To explore what clients truly want for themselves, I guide them in imagining a life without external validation or judgment. Sometimes this means digging deeper into the why behind what they think they want. Often, as you dig, you find that the why is tied to approval-seeking or fear of judgment rather than what truly brings joy.
The goal is to help clear the noise and get in touch with what you actually want for yourself, while untangling external expectations from internal values.
Processing Grief Over the Life You Thought You'd Have
This is something most people don't expect to need: space to grieve. Even when you're moving toward something better, there's often a real loss of an identity, a dream, or a version of yourself that never materialized.
Change is hard for most people. Not because something is wrong with them, but because our brains are wired to interpret transitions as threats. When you add the loss of an imagined future, the career trajectory that didn’t pan out, the relationship that ended, or the version of yourself at 30 that you pictured at 22, the emotional weight becomes significant.
You can be relieved to leave something behind and sad to let it go at the same time. In therapy, we make room for both by uncovering, acknowledging, and changing what isn't working while also processing the grief around that change.
Learning to Tolerate Uncertainty
Here's the hard truth: there is no "right" answer. There's no choice you can make that guarantees everything will work out.
Sometimes people feel paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" choice and "wasting" their time. A significant part of my work is helping them see that there is no one right choice; it's all personal. If something doesn't work out, whether that's a job, a relationship, or a geographic move, it was time and experience you had to go through to learn what you do want. None of it is wasted.
The goal isn't to eliminate uncertainty. That's life, and we can't control or anticipate everything. The goal is to build the capacity to move forward anyway. You have to overcome the paralysis in order to grow, even if it's messy. Sometimes just having permission to change, without treating it as failure, is enough to unlock movement.
What Therapy for Quarter-Life Crisis Looks Like in Practice
If you've never been to therapy before, or you've tried it and it didn't click, it helps to know what to expect.
In my practice, our first session is a 50-minute conversation where I learn about what's bringing you in, what's going on in your life right now, and what you're hoping to get out of therapy. Let's be honest: it can feel a bit awkward sharing personal things with a new person. We can go at whatever pace feels right, and there's never pressure to talk about something you're not ready for.
From there, sessions typically involve a mix of exploring your history and patterns, understanding why you feel stuck, and building practical tools for moving forward. I draw from several approaches: cognitive behavioral therapy for practical skills, psychodynamic work for deeper insight, mindfulness for staying grounded.
Some themes I commonly work on with clients in this stage include:
Discovering identity with flexibility – it's not all-or-nothing; who you are can evolve
Learning to tolerate disappointing people – you can't please everyone, and people pleasers often choose to let themselves down
Changing the way you talk to yourself – we aren't actually motivated by self-criticism, even though a lot of people think harsh self-talk drives change
Making values-aligned decisions instead of fear-based ones – recognizing when fear is driving and when your actual values are
Therapy can be short-term or ongoing, depending on your goals. Some clients come in with a specific decision they're wrestling with; others want longer-term support as they rebuild their sense of self. Both are valid.
Is It a Quarter-Life Crisis, or Something Else?
One of the most important things therapy can do is help you sort out what's actually happening. Sometimes what looks like a quarter-life crisis is actually:
Clinical anxiety or depression that needs direct treatment
Burnout from an unsustainable work situation
Unresolved trauma from childhood or past relationships
A relationship that's no longer working and the fear of admitting it
These aren't mutually exclusive. You can be going through a quarter-life crisis and struggling with anxiety. Part of the work is understanding how these layers interact and addressing each one appropriately.
Frequently Asked Questions
What age is a quarter-life crisis most common?
Research suggests the quarter-life crisis typically peaks around ages 25-30, though it can begin in the early 20s and extend into the mid-30s. There's no strict cutoff, if the experience resonates, it's worth taking seriously.
How long does a quarter-life crisis last?
This varies significantly. Some people move through it in a few months with the right support; others navigate it over several years. Working with a therapist can often shorten the duration by helping you gain clarity faster and avoid getting stuck in rumination loops.
Can therapy help if I don't know what I want?
Absolutely. This is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy during this stage. The goal isn't for me to tell you what to do, it's to clear the emotional clutter so you can hear your own answers. In my experience, most people do know what they want once we remove the fear, shame, and "shoulds" that are drowning it out.
What's the difference between a quarter-life crisis and depression?
They can overlap, but they're not the same. Depression is characterized by persistent low mood, loss of interest in activities, and often a sense of hopelessness regardless of circumstances. A quarter-life crisis involves more questioning and uncertainty about direction, resulting in anxiety and a feeling of stuckness rather than hopeless. That said, a prolonged quarter-life crisis can contribute to depression if left unaddressed. A therapist can help you understand what you're experiencing and what kind of support makes sense.
I'm not sure if my problems are "serious enough" for therapy.
You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. If you're feeling stuck, confused about your direction, or struggling with comparison and anxiety, those are legitimate reasons to seek support. You don't have to hit rock bottom first.
Moving Forward
A quarter-life crisis, painful as it is, often marks the beginning of something important: the process of building a life that actually fits you, not your parents' expectations, not your peers' timelines, not the version of success you absorbed without questioning.
Therapy provides a space to do that work without judgment. To be honest about what isn't working. To grieve what needs grieving and build clarity where there was confusion.
If you're ready to start, or even just curious whether therapy could help, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. It's a chance to ask questions, share what's bringing you here, and see if working together feels like the right fit.
You don't have to figure this out alone.
About the Author: Sage Grazer, LCSW
I am a licensed psychotherapist providing online therapy to adults struggling with anxiety, life transitions, burnout, trauma, low self-esteem, and relationship issues. I help clients develop the insight, skills, and resilience to cope with whatever life stresses come their way. I specialize in helping high-achieving young professionals overcome anxiety and burnout to feel more confident, empowered, and effective in their lives. If you’re a resident of California or Hawaii, schedule a free consultation to learn more.