How to Stop Worrying About Things Out of Your Control: The Definitive Guide to Easing Your Anxiety
Worry can feel like a treadmill: you spend all your energy thinking about problems, yet you never actually move forward. Everyone worries occasionally, but if you’re constantly ruminating over things that you can’t control, you may find yourself feeling exhausted, irritable and overwhelmed. This guide explores why we worry, how to let go of what we can’t change, and practical techniques to reclaim your peace of mind.
Understanding the Cycle of Worry and Anxiety
Worry is a natural response to stress, your mind tries to predict and prevent possible dangers. Sometimes this response is helpful; it encourages you to plan ahead or avoid real risks. But chronic worry can spiral into anxiety, making everyday tasks feel overwhelming. People with generalized anxiety disorder experience excessive and persistent worry that can last for months or years and interfere with daily life (NIMH), often including restlessness, difficulty concentrating, and sleep problems. While this article is not a diagnostic tool, knowing the difference between occasional worry and persistent anxiety can help you decide whether self‑help techniques are enough or if you might benefit from professional support.
Many of us worry about things that we can’t control, like other people’s actions, world events or hypothetical “what if” scenarios. Focusing on uncontrollable factors doesn’t change the outcome, and it uses up mental energy that could be spent on things you can influence. Learning to discern between what is and what is not in your control is the first step toward freeing yourself from the cycle of worry.
Accepting Uncertainty and Focusing on What You Can Control
We often worry because uncertainty feels threatening. If you find yourself stuck in “what if?” thinking, “What if I lose my job?” “What if I get sick?”, your mind is trying to protect you by predicting danger. However, research shows that accepting uncertainty and distinguishing between what you can and cannot control reduces distress. Here are strategies to help you let go:
Identify What You Can and Can’t Control
Make two columns on paper. On one side, list things you can influence (your actions, your reactions, how you plan your day). On the other side, list things you cannot control (weather, other people’s choices and reactions). Spend your energy on the first column. This simple exercise helps you redirect anxious thoughts toward productive action. When you realize that you can’t control every outcome, it becomes easier to release worries about the second column.
Schedule “Worry Time”
Constantly trying to push away worries can make them rebound stronger, a phenomenon called ironic process theory (SimplyPsychology). Instead of suppressing thoughts, dedicate a specific time of day, perhaps 15 minutes in the afternoon, to think about your worries. During this window, let yourself explore every “what if”; then, when the time is up, gently shift your attention to the present. If a worry pops up outside your allotted time, write it down and remind yourself to revisit it later.
Turn “What If” Into “What Then”
“What if?” questions rarely have satisfying answers. A proactive approach is to ask, “What then?” If your worry is, “What if my presentation goes poorly?” you might answer, “Then I will ask for feedback and practice more next time.” Turning hypothetical scenarios into concrete plans encourages problem‑solving and reduces anxiety. You are still preparing for challenges, but in a constructive way.
Practice Tolerating Uncertainty
Gradually exposing yourself to uncertainty helps build resilience. Start small: try a new restaurant without reading reviews, or leave home without checking the weather. Remind yourself that feeling uncomfortable is part of the process. Over time, your brain learns that uncertainty doesn’t always lead to disaster. This technique is similar to exposure therapy (discussed below) and is particularly useful if you tend toward perfectionism or avoidance.
Mindfulness and Grounding Practices for Staying Present
When worries creep in, it helps to anchor yourself in the present moment because these worries are typically based in the future or the past. Mindfulness, the practice of paying attention to your thoughts, feelings and sensations without judgment, can reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation. Try creating a list of nourishing activities such as listening to music, coloring or calling a friend to use when worry arises. These activities gently shift your focus from rumination to self‑care.
Mindfulness Meditation
Set aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and observe your breath. When thoughts arise, acknowledge them without criticism and return your attention to your breathing. If sitting quietly with yourself sounds like an insurmountable task, there are countless guided meditations online that can help provide structure and direction to your meditation. Try to let go of your expectations of your meditation skills. Many people give up on meditation after a single try because they “failed” to keep thoughts out; mindfulness meditation isn't about being devoid of thoughts, it’s about non-judgmentally acknowledging and accepting the thoughts for what they are–just thoughts. Over time, mindfulness increases awareness of your thought patterns, making it easier to catch and redirect worrisome thoughts.
Mindfulness meditation offers a simple yet powerful way to slow down and reconnect with yourself. Even a few minutes of daily practice can cultivate calm, increase self-awareness, and create more space between stressful triggers and your response.
Grounding Rituals
Grounding techniques help you return to the present moment and step out of cycles of anxious thought. One of the most effective practices you can try is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This sensory check-in engages your body and gently shifts your attention away from worry. You can also press your feet firmly into the floor, noticing the solid support beneath you as you take slow, steady breaths. These simple practices can calm your nervous system, create a sense of stability, and give you a pause before you respond.
Self‑compassionate Self‑talk
Self-compassion is essential for building self-esteem and resilience. When you notice yourself being self-critical, pause and ask, “If someone I care about felt this way, what would I say to them?” Then offer those same words to yourself. You might keep a journal of encouraging phrases or place reminders where you’ll see them throughout the day. Over time, these small, consistent acts of kindness toward yourself can help soften self-criticism, ease worry, and make it easier to face challenges with patience and understanding.
Gradual Exposure: Gently Facing Your Fears
Avoidance provides short‑term relief from anxiety but reinforces worry in the long term. Exposure therapy, a form of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), helps break this cycle by gradually and repeatedly confronting feared situations in a safe environment. Harvard Health notes that exposure therapy is evidence‑based and effective for phobias, anxiety disorders and PTSD. When you face what scares you under the guidance of a therapist, the fear response diminishes over time.
Exposure typically starts with less threatening situations and builds up gradually. For example, someone with social anxiety might begin by making eye contact with a cashier, then progress to speaking in a small group. Controlled exposure helps you realize that you can handle discomfort and that feared outcomes often don’t materialize. If you are considering exposure therapy, work with a licensed mental health professional trained in this technique; they can tailor the process to your needs.
Exposure principles can also be applied informally. If you fear making mistakes at work, you might deliberately take on a task that feels slightly outside your comfort zone. Notice the anxious thoughts and physical sensations, breathe through them and resist the urge to avoid. With repetition, your confidence grows and worry decreases.
Reframing Negative Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions
Our minds often twist reality without us noticing. Cognitive distortions are irrational or exaggerated thoughts that make situations seem worse than they are. Common distortions include:
All‑or‑nothing thinking – viewing situations in black and white, without nuance.
Catastrophizing – imagining the worst‑case scenario without evidence.
Mindreading – assuming others think negatively about you.
Personalization – taking responsibility for events outside your control.
Identifying distortions is the first step toward changing them. Ask yourself, “Is there evidence for this thought? What other explanations could there be?” Turning to more balanced perspectives reduces anxiety and promotes problem‑solving.
Cognitive Reframing
Cognitive reframing is a technique that helps you shift your perspective by consciously looking at a situation from another angle. Verywell Mind explains that reframing involves changing the “frame” through which you view a situation; when the frame shifts, your thoughts, feelings and behaviors often change too. For example, instead of thinking, “My friend didn’t text me back; she must be upset with me,” you could reframe it as, “She’s probably busy, and we’ll catch up later.” Reframing encourages you to ask questions like, “Is there another way to look at this?”. Practicing reframing regularly can help you develop more flexible thinking and resilience.
Using a Thought Record to Challenge Negative Thoughts
A thought record is a simple CBT worksheet that guides you through examining and challenging your thoughts. The NHS outlines the steps for practicing a thought record exercise: describe the situation, note how you felt, list the thoughts that came up, gather evidence for and against those thoughts, identify alternative perspectives and note how you feel afterwards. Writing down your thoughts and evidence helps you see patterns and challenge distortions. Over time, this exercise trains your mind to question anxious thoughts automatically.
Show Yourself Compassion
Reframing doesn’t mean denying your feelings. In fact, cognitive reframing encourages you to feel and validate your emotions before shifting perspective. When practising reframing, approach yourself with kindness. Ask yourself, “Would I talk to a friend this way?” This compassionate stance makes it easier to adopt a balanced view.
Habit Replacement and Nourishing Activities
Worry often becomes a habit: when a trigger appears, your mind automatically defaults to anxiety. One way to break this habit is to replace it with another behavior. You can start by creating a list of activities that bring you comfort and joy, such as walking, dancing or listening to a favorite song. When you catch yourself spiraling into worry, choose an item from your list and do it immediately. This replacement interrupts the pattern and trains your brain to associate the trigger with a positive action instead of rumination.
Another helpful tool is writing a contingency plan. An article by Well+Good suggests taking action by jotting down practical steps you’ll take if your worry comes true. Creating a plan turns abstract fears into concrete tasks, which reduces anxiety. For example, if you’re worried about losing your job, you might update your résumé, reach out to contacts and set savings goals. Even if the feared event never happens, having a plan can provide relief.
Identifying Your Triggers and Building Resilience
Anxiety doesn’t come out of nowhere; it’s usually triggered by specific situations, thoughts or sensations. Triggers can be external (public speaking, crowded spaces), internal (negative thoughts, physical sensations) or social (interactions or fear of judgment). Paying attention to when and where you feel anxious helps you anticipate triggers and develop coping strategies.
Self‑reflection Techniques
Keep a journal: Record situations that lead to worry, along with your thoughts, feelings and physical reactions. Over time, patterns emerge.
Practice mindfulness: Noticing your thoughts and bodily sensations throughout the day helps you catch early signs of anxiety.
Analyze habits: Reflect on daily behaviors that may contribute to anxiety, such as excessive caffeine or doom‑scrolling.
Monitor mood: If you notice persistent low mood or physical symptoms like stomach aches or muscle tension, share this information with a health professional. Journaling helps you track changes.
What to Do When a Trigger Strikes
When you recognize a trigger, you can choose your response. Rather than automatically worrying, try one of the techniques from this guide: practice a grounding exercise, schedule worry time, write a thought record or engage in a nourishing activity. Over time, responding intentionally rather than reactively builds confidence and reduces the power of triggers.
When to Seek Professional Support
Self‑help strategies can be powerful, but sometimes worry and anxiety require professional treatment. The NIMH recommends consulting a mental health professional if anxiety interferes with daily functioning or lasts for months. Persistent symptoms such as restlessness, irritability, concentration difficulties, muscle tension and sleep problems may indicate the need for professional support.
Evidence‑based therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) are effective in treating anxiety. Exposure therapy is often used to treat phobias and specific anxiety disorders. Medication may also be beneficial for some individuals; consult a doctor or psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you’re experiencing intense worry, panic attacks, or thoughts of self‑harm, seek immediate help through local crisis services or emergency departments.
Final Thoughts
Worrying about things beyond your control is a common human experience, but it doesn’t have to dominate your life. The key is to acknowledge what you can influence and let go of the rest. By accepting uncertainty, practicing mindfulness, gradually facing fears, reframing distorted thoughts, replacing worry with nourishing habits and identifying your triggers, you create space for calm and clarity. These tools build resilience and help you respond rather than react when challenges arise.
Remember, progress takes time. Celebrate small wins like noticing a worry without spiraling and be compassionate with yourself when setbacks occur. If worry or anxiety feels unmanageable, reaching out for professional support is a sign of strength. In my therapy practice, I offer compassionate, evidence‑based care to help you build the skills you need to thrive. You don’t have to navigate anxiety alone; together we can find ways to restore balance and well‑being.
About the Author: Sage Grazer, LCSW
I am a licensed psychotherapist providing online therapy to adults struggling with anxiety, burnout, trauma, loss, and relationship issues. I help clients develop the insight, skills, and resilience to cope with whatever life stresses come their way. I specialize in helping high-achieving young professionals overcome anxiety and burnout to feel more confident, empowered, and effective in their lives. If you’re a resident of California or Hawaii, schedule a free consultation to learn more.